The Best and Brightest

I’m a financial aid advisor at a fairly prominent art school in the Twin Cities. As far as tuition goes, let’s just say it isn’t cheap… in fact, in exchange for attendance, students must promise their first-born child to the school. Because of the high cost, around 95% of our students make use of student loans, and, if they’re lucky, state and federal grants.

Since our school is recognized as one of the best in our field, you’d think that we’d be selective about who we accept and who we don’t. Now, I know we cater to the artistic crowd and offer alternative paths for those who may not be successful in a typical college setting, i.e. a state school or private university. However, since when did a lack of basic life skills and average spelling and grammar proficiency become acceptable? I’m a pretty tolerant and understanding person, and I’m all about cutting people some slack and helping those who need help, but some of this is just too much.

Now, let me just preface this by saying that we do have a large number of extremely bright and capable students in attendance here… the school obviously wouldn’t be successful if we didn’t. But there are also quite a few that don’t have a clue. I do believe that everyone should have the opportunity to receive a good education, but students should have the basics down before they can move on to more advanced learning. It’s like trying to build a skyscraper without a foundation… it just doesn’t work. Some of these kids (and adults) would be better suited starting at a community college and getting their core learning solidly established first. It would also save them a ton of money.

These are the things we see on a daily basis: One of my students was completing the Stafford loan app and filled in the part for a reference. Later, as I was checking it over, I saw that on the line where he listed the reference’s relationship to the borrower, he had written “Grat Unkel.” Grat Unkel. Are you freaking kidding me??? And this guy is starting college? For some reason, I just don’t know if he’s ready. I mean, this is first grade spelling, people. Not good.

Another co-worker asked a student to address an envelope to his parents so we could send a loan app. He simply wrote in the city name and handed it to her. She told him she’d need the complete address and he looked at her blankly. “We need your mom’s name,” she told him. So then he proceeded to write his mom’s name below the city and state… and told her he didn’t know the street address (which was also his home address).

We’ve had students ask us to call their parents for them, complete their paperwork, and ride the city bus with them (I kid you not). We have to hound them to complete their loan apps and call for pre-approval. One girl refused to fill out a form for a merit award (free money… $2000!) because she thought it was too hard. It consisted of filling in address info, career objective and need, and motivation to complete the program. A one page form worth $2000. And did I mention she was a raging bitch about it? The attitude and lack of respect kill me. Hey, we’re trying to help you here. How about you get the stick out your ass and act like an adult?

I know when I was a young person starting college I did whatever I could to get my loan apps done ASAP. I took advantage of any grant opportunities I could. I didn’t have anyone holding my hand, either. I filled out my paperwork, mailed it in, and they sent me my financial aid letter. Bing, bang, boom. Done. I certainly didn’t give them any attitude; I was scared shitless and needed every cent I could get. Jump? Yes, ma’am, how high?

Lastly, I leave you with this little tale. A student was completing some paperwork and needed her street address and city. One of my associates was making a copy of the same student’s driver’s license while she was completing the paperwork. “Can I see that for a second?” the student asked. My co-worker handed her the license, the student read it, and then handed it back. “Thanks. I just needed to see what city I live in so I can fill this out.”

No lie, folks. For the low, low price of only $75K, these up and coming stars can buy some good book learnin’… we don’t care if they can speak or function on their own, as long as they can beg, borrow, or steal their tuition money. This is the future of America.

Kind of makes the folks on “Jay Walking” look like geniuses, huh??